I never imagined I would have to come forward like this, but the rumors have already begun circulating through the neighborhood, so it’s time I step up, take responsibility, and publicly apologize.
Today (December 2nd, 2025), I shamefully arrived 27 minutes late to let the chickens out.
It’s hard for me to even type that.
My reckless, irresponsible decision to finish an entire bag of chips and watch “just one more episode” at 2 a.m. directly caused unimaginable chaos at sunrise.
When I finally stumbled outside, the hens were pacing dramatically like soap-opera actresses, clucking insults I can’t repeat here. The rooster had already prepared a handwritten resignation letter citing “unlivable working conditions.” My flock has been through a level of emotional turmoil no creature should ever endure.
I was selfish. I was careless.
And, worst of all… I broke their trust.
The psychological scars from this tragedy will almost certainly last a lifetime. The chickens may never emotionally recover from having to wait an extra half hour to begin their extremely important daily business of strutting around and judging me.
I recognize now that my irresponsible “eat snacks and scroll TikTok until sunrise” lifestyle has real consequences.
I hope one day they—and the public—can forgive me.
— Lena (disgraced, chaos-causing, unbelievably horrible chicken mom)
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